My daughter is a very strong-willed little girl. She is so sweet and loving, and most of the time is fairly compliant (for a 15 month old) when I tell her 'no'. There are times though when she loses her mind and throws a huge tantrum, usually ending in me getting hurt due to biting or head-butting. I know I am not the only parent to ever come across this type of behavior, but I feel lost in this new world of having to discipline... often... and with a small, or at least slow, success rate.
My struggle with discipline really stems from... well, I guess a few of things...
First, I don't want to stifle Kaylee's spirit. As I said, she is a wonderful girl. Many times after she hurts me in some way, she will either get me the Boo Bunny (basically a stuffed animal that holds an ice cube), or she will give me a kiss to make it all better. Anyway - I know there has to be a way for me to obtain obedience without suppressing her spirit. I struggle with the best way to allow her to question but also accept what I am saying 'no' to.
Another difficulty with discipline is having so many adults around. I grew up in a single-parent home, so when my mom said 'no' that was the end of it. Kaylee is fortunate enough to have three adults around, which equals tons of attention - plus it is extremely helpful for my husband, my mom and I to have the extra hands around. But this also means that if the three adults fail to communicate (or worse, back each other up), then Kaylee can start to manipulate us to get what she wants.
Finally, I don't know how I feel about spanking. I was spanked. My husband was spanked. We aren't worse off for it (except I, having been spanked with a wooden spoon, can't stand to touch raw wood). I can't say we are better off either since I don't have that perspective. However, I can definitely say that after the wooden spoon entered my life, I had no trouble yielding to my mother's commands. My mom was not a tyrant by any means, she just wanted to make sure that when it counted (i.e. when I was in danger), I listened... without stopping to ask questions. That is really all I want to accomplish as well.
Kaylee's latest craze is climbing up on a living room chair (which sits beautifully on our hardwood floors), standing and then jumping up and down. My husband and I have explained to her that's not safe behavior and she needs to sit in chairs, not stand. She is only 15 months old, so we recognize that we need to explain this over and over again and we are fine with that. Unfortunately, when I am alone with her, it becomes war...
Kaylee will not only begin jumping on the chair, but she will preface it with a snarky look. She knows exactly what she is doing wrong and she is testing me to see if this is really a battle I want to take on.
Game on, girl!
Picking my battles is not the issue. I can be patient. I can give her The Look. I can explain until I am out of breath. I can remove her from the chair over and over again. What I can't figure out how to manage is Kaylee's hurtful (literally) tantrums. She will throw herself backward so fast and hard... if I am not there to catch her, she'd probably give herself a concussion. It is scary! My whole goal is to keep her safe, and here my discipline (designed to protect her from harm) is inspiring this crazy backlash.
What is a mother to do?
What are parents to do when they disagree on discipline strategy? Or whether or not their kid is old enough to understand corporal instruction (i.e. spanking)?
Obviously Kaylee's extreme reaction will not last forever. In the meantime though, I want to make sure she doesn't harm herself (or break my nose, bite a chunk out of my shoulder, etc) during the disciplining process.
Parenting is an endless maze of twists and turns, trials and errors, and there is no relief. Once I feel I have conquered an issue, another one pops up. I'm up for the challenge, but, Lord help me, it's exhausting and fills me with insecurities.
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