Discipline Disaster?

My daughter is a very strong-willed little girl. She is so sweet and loving, and most of the time is fairly compliant (for a 15 month old) when I tell her 'no'. There are times though when she loses her mind and throws a huge tantrum, usually ending in me getting hurt due to biting or head-butting. I know I am not the only parent to ever come across this type of behavior, but I feel lost in this new world of having to discipline... often... and with a small, or at least slow, success rate.

My struggle with discipline really stems from... well, I guess a few of things...

First, I don't want to stifle Kaylee's spirit. As I said, she is a wonderful girl. Many times after she hurts me in some way, she will either get me the Boo Bunny (basically a stuffed animal that holds an ice cube), or she will give me a kiss to make it all better. Anyway - I know there has to be a way for me to obtain obedience without suppressing her spirit. I struggle with the best way to allow her to question but also accept what I am saying 'no' to.

Another difficulty with discipline is having so many adults around. I grew up in a single-parent home, so when my mom said 'no' that was the end of it. Kaylee is fortunate enough to have three adults around, which equals tons of attention - plus it is extremely helpful for my husband, my mom and I to have the extra hands around. But this also means that if the three adults fail to communicate (or worse, back each other up), then Kaylee can start to manipulate us to get what she wants.

Finally, I don't know how I feel about spanking. I was spanked. My husband was spanked. We aren't worse off for it (except I, having been spanked with a wooden spoon, can't stand to touch raw wood). I can't say we are better off either since I don't have that perspective. However, I can definitely say that after the wooden spoon entered my life, I had no trouble yielding to my mother's commands. My mom was not a tyrant by any means, she just wanted to make sure that when it counted (i.e. when I was in danger), I listened... without stopping to ask questions. That is really all I want to accomplish as well.

Kaylee's latest craze is climbing up on a living room chair (which sits beautifully on our hardwood floors), standing and then jumping up and down. My husband and I have explained to her that's not safe behavior and she needs to sit in chairs, not stand. She is only 15 months old, so we recognize that we need to explain this over and over again and we are fine with that. Unfortunately, when I am alone with her, it becomes war...

Kaylee will not only begin jumping on the chair, but she will preface it with a snarky look. She knows exactly what she is doing wrong and she is testing me to see if this is really a battle I want to take on.

Game on, girl!

Picking my battles is not the issue. I can be patient. I can give her The Look. I can explain until I am out of breath. I can remove her from the chair over and over again. What I can't figure out how to manage is Kaylee's hurtful (literally) tantrums. She will throw herself backward so fast and hard... if I am not there to catch her, she'd probably give herself a concussion. It is scary! My whole goal is to keep her safe, and here my discipline (designed to protect her from harm) is inspiring this crazy backlash.

What is a mother to do?

What are parents to do when they disagree on discipline strategy? Or whether or not their kid is old enough to understand corporal instruction (i.e. spanking)?

Obviously Kaylee's extreme reaction will not last forever. In the meantime though, I want to make sure she doesn't harm herself (or break my nose, bite a chunk out of my shoulder, etc) during the disciplining process.

Parenting is an endless maze of twists and turns, trials and errors, and there is no relief. Once I feel I have conquered an issue, another one pops up. I'm up for the challenge, but, Lord help me, it's exhausting and fills me with insecurities.

Up All Night on NBC

I absolutely love NBC’s new show, Up All Night with Will Arnett and Christina Applegate. My husband is the stay-at-home parent and I am the working parent, and we both enjoyed going out pre-baby; so it is a show to which we can easily relate. I was reminiscing about an experience we had with Kaylee that I thought would be a great show idea for Up All Night. Anxious to pass along my idea, I went to NBC’s website, found a Contact Us link and proceeded to read a clause that essentially says, “No offense, but we’re really not going to read anything you submit so what’s the point in filling out the form below?” Thanks NBC.

Reverting to my sMotherhood outlet, I decided to write up my letter to them anyway. Enjoy!

Dear Writers of Up All Night -

I am a full-time working, football-loving mother and my husband is a stay-at-home, football-loving father to our 15-month old baby girl, Kaylee. When Kaylee was just a couple months old, football season was in full swing and our teams (Dallas Cowboys vs. Greenbay Packers) were set to play each other. Since we were living in Arizona at the time, our game was not going to be televised… except at a local sports bar.

In our attempt to keep our lives as “normal” (i.e. unaffected by the infant that stormed our lives) as possible, we decided to dress Kaylee up in a mix of Cowboys and Packers gear and take her to the “family-friendly” sports bar near our home. We sat at a table near the wall of big screen TV’s, grabbed food and settled in for a morning of football heaven.

The games began…

…And the noise level went sky high.

As a first-time mother who reads everything about what is supposedly best for my baby, and in turn what is the most detrimental, I knew that babies’ hearing is incredibly sensitive. So I spent the morning watching our game and holding my hands securely over Kaylee’s ears. I was so worried that the volume of the TV’s and the cheering fans would harm her brand new ear drums.

We went home that afternoon with me being completely consumed by worry for Kaylee’s hearing. I immediately consulted my What to Expect The First Year book to find out how to check if your baby can hear. I read that if I clapped behind her head and she acted startled, then she can hear! For the next two days, I would wait until Kaylee started nodding off, or even when she was fast asleep, and would clap one time as loud as I could to see if she reacted to the noise. Nothing.

My husband assured me that she was fine, just a mellow baby that doesn’t scare easy. Not that I would readily admit this to him, but he was right. Kaylee ended up being just fine, of course (I eventually scared the crap out of her); and although I was worried sick in the moment, it makes for a funny story… at my expense.

I hope this proves useful to you, and ultimately entertaining for my husband and me!

Thank you,

-Katlyn Duchow-
sMothering Protégé

Daylight Savings

Wow, Daylight Savings Time is not so easy now that I have a toddler in the house. My toddler is especially addicted to routine, and having a mandated change occur twice a year is no small potatoes! One whole hour! That’s tough to adjust to… That equals about a month of gradual change to Kaylee. By the time we get her adjusted to fall back, it will be time to spring forward.

I’m sure some lucky parents out there have a very adaptable child that can adjust overnight or within a couple of days just like the rest of us. But Kaylee is not like that. Not that I am complaining – she is perfect! If there was a picture next to perfection in the dictionary, it would be of my little girl. But she would also be shown next to predictable, at least when it comes to her bedtime routine.

I suppose this is a little easier to finagle than travelling across time-zones, which we did a couple weeks ago. That was definitely hell on earth (equaling no sleep for us parents). Although I blame the fact that we didn’t pack up her entire nursery more than crossing into Eastern Standard Time. My perfectly predictable little girl missed her creature comforts, which was blatantly obvious when we got home and she just wanted to hang out in her crib. No complaints from me there!