Is it possible to get through parenthood without feeling guilty at one point or another?
The last couple of weeks my husband, Shiloh, and I have been working on letting Kaylee soothe herself and put herself to sleep. There are hiccups every now and then with this in that some nights Kaylee puts up a bigger fight than on others. Yesterday, the poor thing was sick – seemed like just a productive cough, no fever or anything. We got her to bed successfully, but she woke up about an hour in. That happens fairly frequently, so we thought we would just see if she could get herself back down - which she usually does in a matter of minutes. Since she was not feeling too well, we didn’t push her the limit – only letting her cry for about 5 minutes and then we peeked in on her... her room reeked of vomit.
I have never felt worse or less confident about my mothering ability. My poor little baby was just covered in throw up. Her clothes, hair, bedding, even the floor got some. Kaylee was such a trooper, as usual. She was sobbing, but she was pretty calm for having her first experience with throwing up… in that large of a quantity, I should say.
I felt so guilty though for not having jumped to her aid faster. Shiloh made a valid point – we didn’t know she had thrown up, we thought she just had a cough. We even have a video monitor that we were watching her on, and could not tell that she was covered in vomit. (Can someone please create an HD video monitor??!) But still, I feel I should have known! Somehow, someway! Am I missing the maternal instinct that everyone talks about?
To top off my guilt for last night, I feel even worse having to come to work today. Shiloh and I are in a fortunate situation: I work and he is the stay-at-home parent. When Kaylee is sick though, I want to be able to comfort her and bring her back to health. I know he will do just as good of a job, but as a mother, I feel like it’s my duty and privilege to take care of my baby.
Guilt.
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