Why is there not a one-size fits all stroller?

I feel like baby stuff is out of control. You ‘have’ to get three different kinds of everything in order to function in different settings. The best example of this in my sMotherhood life, so far, is the stroller. When my daughter, Kaylee, was an infant, we got the big ol’ combination stroller – the one that fit the infant carrier. Sure that thing was helpful with its temperature gauge, clock, basket, ability to snap in the matching infant carrier, but also be a stroller Kaylee could grow into. But my Lord was that thing heavy! My post-partum atrophied muscles could not handle lifting that thing – especially with one hand, while I was holding Kaylee in the other. No wonder my back constantly ached.

Luckily, the TSA snapped a wheel off that massive stroller and we were forced into getting a new stroller. This time we opted for something sporty – so we could go on walks/hikes with Kaylee in tow. To be honest, we probably would have gotten this stroller eventually anyway since the massive stroller was really not made for anything but smooth sidewalks. Sporty stroller is much lighter than massive stroller, but it is still heavy and awkward (thanks to the three large off-roading wheels). And by the way, you need two hands in order to fold it since there are two release triggers you have to pull simultaneously on opposites sides of the stroller. Who came up with that design? And a better question – why did we buy that design?? Simple… we are first-time parents who don’t think of all the x-factors, like what happens when you are alone with the stroller and the baby and you can only attend to one of them a time?

We are not disappointed with sporty stroller, but there are times when it’s not convenient – not only when we are alone, but also when going to crowded places, or when travelling. Sporty stroller is just not very compact, it’s still slightly heavy, and it’s awkward to deal with. So enters stroller number three: umbrella stroller. A brilliant, and luckily cheap, creation that is perfect for a crowded store, theme park, or airport. It’s lightweight too – so I can still hold Kaylee while I stow it in the car.

Is it really not possible to combine the three designs? I want to be able to buy one stroller that fits an infant carrier, can off-road with the best of them, and is compact and lightweight. Are you out there dream stroller? If so, I’ll definitely tell my friends about you… it’s too late for me now. Unless the TSA can help a sister out… again…

Discipline Disaster?

My daughter is a very strong-willed little girl. She is so sweet and loving, and most of the time is fairly compliant (for a 15 month old) when I tell her 'no'. There are times though when she loses her mind and throws a huge tantrum, usually ending in me getting hurt due to biting or head-butting. I know I am not the only parent to ever come across this type of behavior, but I feel lost in this new world of having to discipline... often... and with a small, or at least slow, success rate.

My struggle with discipline really stems from... well, I guess a few of things...

First, I don't want to stifle Kaylee's spirit. As I said, she is a wonderful girl. Many times after she hurts me in some way, she will either get me the Boo Bunny (basically a stuffed animal that holds an ice cube), or she will give me a kiss to make it all better. Anyway - I know there has to be a way for me to obtain obedience without suppressing her spirit. I struggle with the best way to allow her to question but also accept what I am saying 'no' to.

Another difficulty with discipline is having so many adults around. I grew up in a single-parent home, so when my mom said 'no' that was the end of it. Kaylee is fortunate enough to have three adults around, which equals tons of attention - plus it is extremely helpful for my husband, my mom and I to have the extra hands around. But this also means that if the three adults fail to communicate (or worse, back each other up), then Kaylee can start to manipulate us to get what she wants.

Finally, I don't know how I feel about spanking. I was spanked. My husband was spanked. We aren't worse off for it (except I, having been spanked with a wooden spoon, can't stand to touch raw wood). I can't say we are better off either since I don't have that perspective. However, I can definitely say that after the wooden spoon entered my life, I had no trouble yielding to my mother's commands. My mom was not a tyrant by any means, she just wanted to make sure that when it counted (i.e. when I was in danger), I listened... without stopping to ask questions. That is really all I want to accomplish as well.

Kaylee's latest craze is climbing up on a living room chair (which sits beautifully on our hardwood floors), standing and then jumping up and down. My husband and I have explained to her that's not safe behavior and she needs to sit in chairs, not stand. She is only 15 months old, so we recognize that we need to explain this over and over again and we are fine with that. Unfortunately, when I am alone with her, it becomes war...

Kaylee will not only begin jumping on the chair, but she will preface it with a snarky look. She knows exactly what she is doing wrong and she is testing me to see if this is really a battle I want to take on.

Game on, girl!

Picking my battles is not the issue. I can be patient. I can give her The Look. I can explain until I am out of breath. I can remove her from the chair over and over again. What I can't figure out how to manage is Kaylee's hurtful (literally) tantrums. She will throw herself backward so fast and hard... if I am not there to catch her, she'd probably give herself a concussion. It is scary! My whole goal is to keep her safe, and here my discipline (designed to protect her from harm) is inspiring this crazy backlash.

What is a mother to do?

What are parents to do when they disagree on discipline strategy? Or whether or not their kid is old enough to understand corporal instruction (i.e. spanking)?

Obviously Kaylee's extreme reaction will not last forever. In the meantime though, I want to make sure she doesn't harm herself (or break my nose, bite a chunk out of my shoulder, etc) during the disciplining process.

Parenting is an endless maze of twists and turns, trials and errors, and there is no relief. Once I feel I have conquered an issue, another one pops up. I'm up for the challenge, but, Lord help me, it's exhausting and fills me with insecurities.

Up All Night on NBC

I absolutely love NBC’s new show, Up All Night with Will Arnett and Christina Applegate. My husband is the stay-at-home parent and I am the working parent, and we both enjoyed going out pre-baby; so it is a show to which we can easily relate. I was reminiscing about an experience we had with Kaylee that I thought would be a great show idea for Up All Night. Anxious to pass along my idea, I went to NBC’s website, found a Contact Us link and proceeded to read a clause that essentially says, “No offense, but we’re really not going to read anything you submit so what’s the point in filling out the form below?” Thanks NBC.

Reverting to my sMotherhood outlet, I decided to write up my letter to them anyway. Enjoy!

Dear Writers of Up All Night -

I am a full-time working, football-loving mother and my husband is a stay-at-home, football-loving father to our 15-month old baby girl, Kaylee. When Kaylee was just a couple months old, football season was in full swing and our teams (Dallas Cowboys vs. Greenbay Packers) were set to play each other. Since we were living in Arizona at the time, our game was not going to be televised… except at a local sports bar.

In our attempt to keep our lives as “normal” (i.e. unaffected by the infant that stormed our lives) as possible, we decided to dress Kaylee up in a mix of Cowboys and Packers gear and take her to the “family-friendly” sports bar near our home. We sat at a table near the wall of big screen TV’s, grabbed food and settled in for a morning of football heaven.

The games began…

…And the noise level went sky high.

As a first-time mother who reads everything about what is supposedly best for my baby, and in turn what is the most detrimental, I knew that babies’ hearing is incredibly sensitive. So I spent the morning watching our game and holding my hands securely over Kaylee’s ears. I was so worried that the volume of the TV’s and the cheering fans would harm her brand new ear drums.

We went home that afternoon with me being completely consumed by worry for Kaylee’s hearing. I immediately consulted my What to Expect The First Year book to find out how to check if your baby can hear. I read that if I clapped behind her head and she acted startled, then she can hear! For the next two days, I would wait until Kaylee started nodding off, or even when she was fast asleep, and would clap one time as loud as I could to see if she reacted to the noise. Nothing.

My husband assured me that she was fine, just a mellow baby that doesn’t scare easy. Not that I would readily admit this to him, but he was right. Kaylee ended up being just fine, of course (I eventually scared the crap out of her); and although I was worried sick in the moment, it makes for a funny story… at my expense.

I hope this proves useful to you, and ultimately entertaining for my husband and me!

Thank you,

-Katlyn Duchow-
sMothering Protégé

Daylight Savings

Wow, Daylight Savings Time is not so easy now that I have a toddler in the house. My toddler is especially addicted to routine, and having a mandated change occur twice a year is no small potatoes! One whole hour! That’s tough to adjust to… That equals about a month of gradual change to Kaylee. By the time we get her adjusted to fall back, it will be time to spring forward.

I’m sure some lucky parents out there have a very adaptable child that can adjust overnight or within a couple of days just like the rest of us. But Kaylee is not like that. Not that I am complaining – she is perfect! If there was a picture next to perfection in the dictionary, it would be of my little girl. But she would also be shown next to predictable, at least when it comes to her bedtime routine.

I suppose this is a little easier to finagle than travelling across time-zones, which we did a couple weeks ago. That was definitely hell on earth (equaling no sleep for us parents). Although I blame the fact that we didn’t pack up her entire nursery more than crossing into Eastern Standard Time. My perfectly predictable little girl missed her creature comforts, which was blatantly obvious when we got home and she just wanted to hang out in her crib. No complaints from me there!

The Root of All Fears

As Halloween fast approaches, I am reminded of my greatest fear, Chucky – you know, the doll that comes to life and tries to do his voodoo thing on a little boy to take over his body?? Scary stuff! Naturally, I blame my parents for this fear. My dad introduced me to the Chucky movies when I was 9 years old. My mom reinforced my fear by scaring me with my cabbage patch doll, Joyous Lee, who had the infamous red hair and blue eyes. I shiver at the thought of her sitting… waiting for me… somewhere in storage (my mom admitted she never threw her away as I requested).

It’s kind of silly. I am a grown woman! Why am I still deathly afraid of something fictional? There is plenty out there to be feared… real threats, like spiders! Or more seriously, people! But here I am, a cowering mess in my cubicle because one of my coworkers brought in a Chucky doll as a Halloween decoration. I now avoid our fax machine and printer because he is there… waiting for me.

I was first in the office this morning at 6am, it was still dark out, and I caught a glimpse of his bright red hair and remembered he was here! Waiting for me! Waiting to get me alone! I walked right in to his trap! No kidding, I was looking over my shoulder every few seconds until a coworker arrived, luckily just 5 minutes later. I’m safe for now…

This fear, albeit irrational, is very real to me. I honestly get the increased heart rate, and the mental images of being overtaken in strength by a stupid doll. It makes me worry about what fears my daughter will pick up, and will I be the one, as my parents were, to ‘make’ her so afraid?? My little brothers, 20 years younger than me, are not afraid of Chucky – they think Child’s Play is a comedy – even though they were introduced to him at the same tender age. Maybe that’s a result of the enhancements in special effects technology in movies, or maybe they were introduced to a pretty freaky thing with a good laugh instead of a wicked look.

Although I would LOVE to be able to protect Kaylee from everything that could possibly harm her or just harmlessly frighten her, I know that’s not a realistic expectation to set for myself. I think, as a responsible parent, I need to conquer my fears so that I can be of good humor when something scary, like the spider hanging in our doorway or the doll she will eventually want to buy in the toy store, enters our world. If I am scared, she will either pick up on that fear, or worse... torture me with it.

The best advice my mom gave me when Kaylee was laid in my arms as a newborn was to show complete confidence in everything I do, even if underneath I am mortified/confused/uncertain. Kaylee will listen if I at least look confident. So far that has worked with most things, but now that we are entering the age when things could and sometimes do scare her, I want to make sure I portray the confidence in her ability (and mine) to handle those things light-heartedly. We’ll see how it goes… especially knowing full well that I will delay conquering my Chucky fear as long as possible.

Please, Hollywood, don’t remake Child’s Play!

With Great Love Comes Great Culpability

Is it possible to get through parenthood without feeling guilty at one point or another?

The last couple of weeks my husband, Shiloh, and I have been working on letting Kaylee soothe herself and put herself to sleep. There are hiccups every now and then with this in that some nights Kaylee puts up a bigger fight than on others. Yesterday, the poor thing was sick – seemed like just a productive cough, no fever or anything. We got her to bed successfully, but she woke up about an hour in. That happens fairly frequently, so we thought we would just see if she could get herself back down - which she usually does in a matter of minutes. Since she was not feeling too well, we didn’t push her the limit – only letting her cry for about 5 minutes and then we peeked in on her... her room reeked of vomit.

I have never felt worse or less confident about my mothering ability. My poor little baby was just covered in throw up. Her clothes, hair, bedding, even the floor got some. Kaylee was such a trooper, as usual. She was sobbing, but she was pretty calm for having her first experience with throwing up… in that large of a quantity, I should say.

I felt so guilty though for not having jumped to her aid faster. Shiloh made a valid point – we didn’t know she had thrown up, we thought she just had a cough. We even have a video monitor that we were watching her on, and could not tell that she was covered in vomit. (Can someone please create an HD video monitor??!) But still, I feel I should have known! Somehow, someway! Am I missing the maternal instinct that everyone talks about?

To top off my guilt for last night, I feel even worse having to come to work today. Shiloh and I are in a fortunate situation: I work and he is the stay-at-home parent. When Kaylee is sick though, I want to be able to comfort her and bring her back to health. I know he will do just as good of a job, but as a mother, I feel like it’s my duty and privilege to take care of my baby.

Guilt.

Hindsight is 20/20

As I look around my house and the sea of baby toys, equipment and stuff in general, it brings me back to when I registered for all this during my pregnancy. And I ask, why??! Not that all of it was crazy to get, but there is just so much that I didn’t really need, or at least there were features I didn't need to pay more for. I use it all because it’s here, but my daughter, Kaylee, wouldn’t be any worse off without some of it.

I remember registering for the ‘necessary’ baby supplies with my friend, Nikki. Since I didn’t have any friends with children living near me at the time, Nikki came along to help – she works with children and so was deemed the expert on what to get. Nikki was SO helpful and provided great insights on feeding, toys, and travel items (like pack ‘n’ plays). Looking back it would have been nice to have a ‘practicing’ mom go with us too – Nikki for the ‘research’ school of thought and a mom for the ‘this is good in theory, but not in practice’ school of thought. It’s definitely a must to register for as much stuff as possible when you have a baby shower looming, but once that’s all said and done there’s no reason to be bullied into spending hundreds, possibly thousands, of dollars on stuff you won’t even use right away, if at all.

For example I definitely could have waited to get a crib (Kaylee slept in her pack ‘n’ play next to my side of the bed for the first 3 months), bottles and bottle accessories, a breast pump, gates and other baby proofing items, and a high chair. In fact, waiting probably would have led me to more practical purchases because I would have had a better idea of what my day-to-day baby needs were. Like with the baby-proofing stuff, we ended up moving when Kaylee was 3 months old, so the gates I had bought for our old house ended up being a little different than the ones we would have purchased for the new house – although we made them work.

I was at least proud of myself for being wise enough not to register for baby clothes. I knew I was having a girl and I don’t know if the same phenomenon occurs if you are having a boy, but Oh.My.Gosh. the amount of baby clothes people got for Kaylee was unreal. There was definitely no need for me to purchase, or even register for, baby clothes. I was not operating under the illusion that even if I did register for clothes that anyone would actually buy what I thought was cute and steer away from what they thought was cute. Luckily there was no disagreement in baby-style.

My one mistake with clothing though was that, in true sMother fashion, I decided to open, de-tag, and wash all her clothes (to kill any lingering germs and soften abrasive fabrics, of course!) before she even entered the world. This was a new mom blunder because what they say is true: kids grow fast! In addition, I really didn’t have the energy, unless motivated by poop or spit-up, to change Kaylee out of her little outfits. Now that she is older, she goes through multiple costume changes, sometimes because she’s dirty and sometimes just for fun. But in those early, not-strong-enough-to-hold-her-own-head-up days, I had a less-is-more approach.

Welcome!

I am the proud mother of a beautiful little girl, Kaylee, who is barely over a year old now. I keep a separate blog of her development reserved for close friends and family, but wanted to begin another blog as an outlet for myself, and one that might prove helpful to fellow mothers/parents who may worry, like me, that their kids will grow up calling them 'smother' instead of mother.

As with many parents out there, I try my best to soak up information that can help me be the best parent to my child. This has led me on a journey of information gathering. I subscribe to multiple parenting websites, fellow parents' blogs, and have even gone 'oldschool' and subscribed to a magazine. All of which have been helpful, albeit slightly overwhelming. Many times, I get advice from one source only to discover that it is contradicted by another source... frustrating, to say the least.

As a result, I have concluded that the so-called 'experts' while incredibly well-educated and backed by (I hope) countless hours of research, are no expert on my daughter, Kaylee. I am the expert on my own child. So, while I have created this blog as a way to vent about the monumental number of opinions out there on raising children, if you're reading this to get advice, my humble opinion should really only be taken with a grain of salt. What has worked and is working for Kaylee, might not be the best for anyone else's child.

Ultimately, my hope for anyone reading this, is that this blog will provide some good-natured, anecdotal comedy, a little commiseration, and maybe some helpful hints along the way.